The Truth About Lies: I Would Lie Again, If I Got The Chance To Start From Scratch
I’ve made many mistakes in my life. I am not talking about grammatical mistakes or forgetting my carkeys on my way out. I am talking about real bad mistakes, things I never should have done.
As a kid, I got the wrong friends. Not that I am blaming them. It was me, who stole the cigarettes, toys, and sweets. It was me who smoked the cigarettes. As an adult, I’ve been lying to my wife. As a father, I have been shouting to my daughter. As a company owner, I thought I was the best IT specialist in the world. And I am sure, I will make mistakes as long as I live. I regret all the mistakes I’ve made — some more than others. And I usually learn of my mistakes.
And many times, I said: “if I could redo my life, I’d do it totally different. But would I?
The Great Pretender
Let’s take one example. I’ve been lying to my wife. I was The Great Pretender — pretending I’m doing well. My wife was the person, who answered the phone, if someone called. In that way, I could help my customers without being disturbed. One day, the phone rang. It was our bank. “Can I talk to Albert, please?”, the man asked. My wife said: “He’s not here, what can I do for you?” The man replied: “Well, are you aware that you are having a debt of DKR 75.000, while we only allowed DKR.15.000?” (Note: DKR 75.000 is approx. US $11250) My wife wasn’t aware of that. And to be honest, I wasn’t either. I knew we owed the bank “some” money, but how much — I haven’t got a clue.
I can tell you: my wife was not pleased! Not because we owed the bank this money, but because I ought to oversee our money business: I was making money, she wasn’t. So why in the world do we owe the bank money?! What am I doing -day in, day out- working? Do I forget to send invoices? Do my customers forget to pay? Is my hourly rate too low? Or … am I not working at all? Do I have more expenses than income? Do I spend money on something I shouldn’t?
My wife got concerned, and mad. Of course, she did. Somehow, we fixed the problem: we paid our debt, and we got out of troubles. But that does not change the fact, that I have been lying. Lying to my wife and lying to myself. And I did not stop lying about money, although I got more cautious. Until 2014, I still used money on things I shouldn’t — without my wife knowing it. And finally, I got myself under control. The money problems disappeared, and I simply stopped lying to my wife. And to myself, for that matter.
I would not avoid lying again
When I look back upon my life, I can see I’ve been stupid, that I’ve been lying that much. I often asked myself the question: would I avoided these lies if I knew the consequences before I told my first lie to my wife? Probably not.
At first hand, because I now know which impact massive lying has on a relationship with the person I love. But secondly, I got wiser in my decisions. I learned that each lie has to be kept alive with … another lie.
An example: let’s assume, you are having an appointment with a colleague. The two of you agreed to meet at 9 in the morning. But you overslept and arrive one hour later. Your appointment is not amused and asks why you are late. You feel embarrassed, so you tell a lie: “My sister’s cat got sick, and I had to drive her to the vet”. Such a good person you are, taking care of other’s problems. But you are not aware, that your colleague knows your sister. And your sister’s cat unfortunately was killed the night before: he ran out in front of a car. You haven’t been talking to your sister in a few days, so how in the world should you know! But your sister and your colleagues are very good friends — and she has told him. So how do you fix that? With another lie. “I meant; my WIFE’s sister’s cat got sick”. Perhaps he buys your “correction”.
A few months later, your employer invites all employees with there spouses to a restaurant. And your colleague talks to your wife: “How’s your sister’s cat?” “My sister’s cat? She’s allergic to cats!”, your wife replies. Oops.
Lies need lies
If you want to keep a lie alive, you need another lie. And to keep that lie alive, you need … yet another lie. On the other hand, if you’d tell the truth, there is no need to keep it alive: it keeps itself alive.
That is something I learned from lying to my wife — after eight years of marriage. But what, if I could start my life from the beginning, but with that knowledge, I learned after 8 years marriage? Well, assuming that the knowledge was well-founded in my mind, I’d never ever have lied. So I wouldn’t tell my mom, that I didn’t took that cookie from the jar, instead I’d tell her I actually did. I would not tell the teacher at school that I was late because of a flat tire, but because I was too lazy in the morning. I’d never smoke beside that first one — because not telling is also lying, so I’d go straight to my parents at the age of 12, and tell I smoked a cigarette! They would have forbidden me, and I would not resist. I’d be a model kid — doing everything right. And that is just the beginning: my childhood would be totally different than it actually was. Just because my knowledge base was changed.
I’d lie again
So, in short: if I could redo my life, would I lie to my wife about our fragile economy? Yes, I absolutely would. And I’d hurt my wife just as much. Just because I would never have met my wife, if I would redo my life with a different knowledge base than the one I’ve built throughout my life.
